Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
