You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
