there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
