i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
