were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
