I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
