Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
