Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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