Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
