just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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