Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
