Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
