It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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