theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
