From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
