The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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