Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
