I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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