I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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