The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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