i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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