Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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