community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
