Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
