idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
