this boner is exhausting
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
