ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
