she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
