Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
