I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
