he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
