i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
