So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
