I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
