Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who died my cat blue again?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
