dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
