Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
