Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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