bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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