so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
