Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
