Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
