He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
