There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As shirtless as possible
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
