omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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