I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
