I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
