Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
