The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
