I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
