hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
