New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Watching her eat just hurts me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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