apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
