So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
